I have to learn my value, and that I deserve to be with someone who equally wants to be with me. These are things I should have discovered years ago, things my 18-year-old sister is better equipped at dealing with due to her many high school romances.

At this point it’s like we don’t even know how to talk to each other. We don’t understand each other. We don’t know each other. We don’t make sense. And it’s because I’ve changed. And I am really sorry.

I ensure it won’t happen by pushing people away. If I sense someone is starting to become distant, I become distant first. I abandon ship. It’s a natural instinct I use to protect myself.

The thing no one tells you about healing is that saying “it’s over” is relatively painless compared to what comes after. It’s not the giving up that stings, it’s wondering what to do with the life you built around his. And that hurts like hell.


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