I have to learn my value, and that I deserve to be with someone who equally wants to be with me. These are things I should have discovered years ago, things my 18-year-old sister is better equipped at dealing with due to her many high school romances.
I knew you had your fair share of moments when you wanted to leave for good, but I kept on asking you to stay. I’m sorry I never gave you room to grow when you needed it. Bottom line is I was selfish. For this and a lot more, I am truly sorry.
Maybe everything wasn’t as magical as I’d perceived it to be; maybe there were some cracks in the façade that I’d overlooked. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something seemed off sometimes.
We can’t change people. They are what they are for a reason, and so are we. We have to stop trying to wish people into something that they’re not. If you were this way, you would love me, but I wouldn’t love you.
At this point it’s like we don’t even know how to talk to each other. We don’t understand each other. We don’t know each other. We don’t make sense. And it’s because I’ve changed. And I am really sorry.
But I have one now. What’s it like? To lose someone you didn’t want to live without? The answer is in the question. You just don’t want to live. That’s what it’s like.
I ensure it won’t happen by pushing people away. If I sense someone is starting to become distant, I become distant first. I abandon ship. It’s a natural instinct I use to protect myself.
Everything is going great, you think — you have chemistry, you click, you have shared interests and your conversations never lull — and then, boom. He’s gone.
1. Someone who doesn’t give you butterflies.
The thing no one tells you about healing is that saying “it’s over” is relatively painless compared to what comes after. It’s not the giving up that stings, it’s wondering what to do with the life you built around his. And that hurts like hell.