1. Trying to follow your old “love script.” In other words, comparing what you have to how you think love “should” go. Who should make more money, how you should meet, what they will look like.
I didn’t have the strength to act like his puppet anymore, but I didn’t have the strength to break up with him either.
I don’t want to be burned anymore. I don’t want to keep hurting. I don’t want to keep allowing myself stand to the side while everyone else takes center stage. I keep getting shot at. I keep getting punched. Yet still I smile. Still I say please and thank you. Still, I give.
How could anyone say how wonderful you are all the while acknowledging that they don’t want to be with you anymore? It was bullshit to me. Maybe it still is, only now I’m the bullshitter.
Friendship is sacred. It’s not meant to make you feel small. It isn’t meant to make you feel stupid, or like you aren’t as beautiful as you are. Friendship is a vital part of anyone’s life, so choose wisely.
Screw it, I practically order him in a fleeting moment of domination, just take the damn dress off.
Today, I am choosing to stay where I am most comfortable waiting, here in a distant field full of bittersweet reminiscences about you.