Thought Catalog

Reality Bites

I want Natalie Imbruglia telling me that the sky is torn, Jewel telling me that I can’t break her hands, Courtney Love being the girl with the most cake, and Liz Phair stealing my lighter and losing the map.

She’s a real teenager—someone who says and does stupid things without a hint of self-awareness and I find it refreshing. I’m sure her publicist needs to eat ten Xanax a day just to deal with her shenanigans but whatever.

Poor Kim Richards — she never can seem to catch a break, can she? Unlucky in love and in and out of rehab, she’s a sad tragic figure who spends her daze clutching old photographs from her child star days and throwing martini glasses at the gardner.

You see, my bed is actually on the opposite side of the wall of the stairwell, and the only window in the bedroom nook opens directly adjacent to the railing you all lean against, blow smoke over, and tell ridiculously unfunny jokes that are laughable only when their stupidity is recognized (or if you’re a drunk person in your group).