“Texting me to tell me about it. Thanks, wife.”
“I ate eight full meals, half a sheet of brownies, pie, dates, and then asked my wife to pick me up a soda.”
Why do you demand that women be good-looking when you’ve obviously never taken a look in the mirror?
“Realize that the world is round, but it isn’t fair.”
you will realize
how some people are not
meant to be yours.”
Don’t demand sex in return for dinner.
“Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.”
“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” — Bill Gates
“I chugged rum from a horse dildo while many people watched.”
you tell me how pretty I look
and I think,
you haven’t seen me in years