1. The guy who is SO into whatever he’s doing tomorrow: For the purpose of this article, we’ll call him Kevin.
And then in six months when you’re sitting at a bar, sipping a glass of chardonnay, making polite conversation with nice people you wonder what it would be like to have one of those crazy wild nights again.
My dad accidentally said “I take you Helen Keller…” instead of “Helen” when he married my mom. He was nervous and it just popped out.
This couple is snuggling in the corner and booping each other’s noses while rambling on about how they’re soul mates.
Abusing a substance destructively is like riding on a roller coaster without wearing a seat belt. We crave the danger because we want to see how close we can come to death.
You’re fine, you tell yourself, and miraculously you are, by some stroke of luck you find it in you to keep dancing and smiling and flip your hair when he looks and pat it back down when he doesn’t.
2. Acoustic Guitars
It was Halloween so everyone was in costume. This one dude was dressed as jack sparrow. Cops come in and the guy, who was super hammered at this point stands right next to an open window and says “you’ll always remember this as the day you almost caught jack sparrow,” proceeds to jump out the second story window and break his leg.
3. The paper is thin and soft.
After careful deliberation and excessive amounts of self-doubt, you have been invited to attend the Pants Party. Count yourself lucky, as this is a newly inspired event, stemming from the great red carpet viewing of “American Pie: Naked Mile” much time ago.