I guess I should be thanking you. Sure, your OkCupid photo is of you posing shirtless in the mirror, trying not to make it look like you’re flexing when it’s blatantly obvious to everyone in the world that you’re flexing, but it could be worse.
“Of course I didn’t notice that you resemble the Elephant Man in my profile picture; I was distracted by how thin I look.”
Have a sense of humor and be with someone who shares that sense of humor.
Statistics show that every 10 seconds, a procrastinator puts off significant work to watch Thankskilling on Netflix.
I also miss the bizarre world of Myspace celebrity. Back in the day, you could get a Myspace profile and garner such a strong following that it would result in a record deal or reality TV show, a la Jeffree Star and Tila Tequila.
You had a happy relationship with Friendster in 2002, but he began losing it when his friends graduated on to bigger and better things — like college, or MySpace.
Eventually, though, you realize that all of his talk of being a “community builder at a web-based start up” means absolutely zero in terms of actual gainful employment, and become pretty convinced that he must be stealing TVs or something to pay rent.
In revenge kittens no longer exist. Deal with it.
Take the time to just linger in the tub and really rub your body in the ways that it needs to be rubbed or play in the bubbles of the bubble bath. Make yourself a Santa beard or try to build cone boobs on yourself and see how far you get before they cave in like a poorly built sandcastle or Madonna’s career.
The ‘60s are similar, in that living through them apparently gave people the right to do things that are now considered morally and legally objectionable. However, the people who lived through this era of decadent drug use and sexuality are now in positions of authority requiring them to condemn today’s youth for the very same activities.