When Myspace first became popular, I put forth a Caulfieldian theory of how people behave online: People put forth the person they want to be, not who they are.
I don’t want to move there after the inevitable, “20 Ways You Know You’re A True New Myspacer” posts come out.
Holy responsiblity, we are adults now. When did that even happen? I’m pretty sure I was just watching Lizzie McGuire and Even Stevens after a long day of middle school like two months ago, tops.
I guess I should be thanking you. Sure, your OkCupid photo is of you posing shirtless in the mirror, trying not to make it look like you’re flexing when it’s blatantly obvious to everyone in the world that you’re flexing, but it could be worse.
“Of course I didn’t notice that you resemble the Elephant Man in my profile picture; I was distracted by how thin I look.”
Have a sense of humor and be with someone who shares that sense of humor.
Statistics show that every 10 seconds, a procrastinator puts off significant work to watch Thankskilling on Netflix.
I also miss the bizarre world of Myspace celebrity. Back in the day, you could get a Myspace profile and garner such a strong following that it would result in a record deal or reality TV show, a la Jeffree Star and Tila Tequila.
You had a happy relationship with Friendster in 2002, but he began losing it when his friends graduated on to bigger and better things — like college, or MySpace.
Eventually, though, you realize that all of his talk of being a “community builder at a web-based start up” means absolutely zero in terms of actual gainful employment, and become pretty convinced that he must be stealing TVs or something to pay rent.