Every girl has one, and he is the bane of our existence. He and I dated off-and-on for over three years and to say it was a tumultuous relationship would be a colossal understatement.
I finally let go, of everything. I let go of old ex lovers, I let go of the people who had done me wrong, I forgave myself for all the things I had done wrong to others and most important of all, I let go of the picture in my head of how my life should be.
I’m not sure that there really is any “ideal” form of heartbreak, but this certainly wasn’t it.
I still remember the voices in my head when the razorblade, gripped in my hand, hovered over my left wrist. Useless. Trash. You can’t do anything right. Failure. Nobody likes you.
You want his love even if he’s complicated. You want his love even if he could be the worst person to love. And you want his love even if he’s still in the process of moving on from his past relationship that he loved the most.
Day 1: You sit at home with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s watching He’s Just Not That Into You. Yes, this is a cliché, but it totally happens.
A week ago I was caught completely off-guard when a 15 month relationship came to a screeching halt. He came over , cuddled up to me and proceeded to tell me, while using his usual pet names, why we can’t be together anymore.
I was fine before you, and I would be fine after you. Do I want you? Yes of course, more than anyone or anything. But do I need you? Absolutely not.
I know I live between your pen and your guitar and you conjure me up when you’re alone in your bedroom writing songs at 3 am.
I’ve decided to write this letter to you to create closure for myself, I need closure and I need it NOW.