Most of all, thank you for being my dad when the real one couldn’t do the job. It wasn’t your job to do but you did it anyway and I will always be grateful to you for that.
I miss my innocence. I miss feeling invincible. There is a small part of me that will always be frozen in time at fifteen, praying that things will turn out differently. I am still learning to be okay with that.
I’m not crazy about Joni Mitchell.
I believed that deep inside you were a good person, who could love her daughter, and support me as I figure this out. I was wrong.
To truly think about the depths of a mother’s love is breathtaking: she literally loves you before she even knows you and continues to love you before you even love yourself.
But most importantly dear mother, I apologize for leaving you, promising that I will come back after 6 months but never living up to it.
Unlike those parents who try to force their children onto a pre-approved life path, my mother has always given me the space I need to be myself. She doesn’t try to change me or pressure me into doing things that I’m not into.
It’s a strange, terrible and tragic thing, essentially just waiting for someone to die.
Your hug still warms me up the most and my tears somehow dry faster in your arms. I love you because your love is still and will always be the greatest love anyone has ever given me.
I wish I had listened to her when she told me that guys like you will never mend hearts like mine when they’re the ones who keep breaking them.