11. You give up on something because it requires you to make a phone call.
Since it takes about .01% of our brain cells to send a Snapchat, it has become the ultimate cop-out when it comes to communication.
As my friendship with Alex grew, I was constantly overwhelmed with guilt about the secret I was keeping from her.
1. Microsoft Outlook Microsoft is an irresponsible sack of garbage that only decides to crash once you’ve finished typing up a wonderful masterpiece and you’re about to press send.
Discouraging messages from people we can only hope aren’t real, living, non-troll human beings.
22. You used a million punctuation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are just a few examples of last messages chaps sent me before the axe murderer got them. Join me as I try to read between the lines.
You can tell when you send them a good-morning text message, or mail them a gift, or take the time to do something for them that you know they’ll barely appreciate — this isn’t going to be reciprocated.
Do not leave me a voicemail. I will not listen to it. I’m going to press the corresponding number to delete your message as soon as the automated voice recording concludes. I’m going to press it with conviction, like a little boy who just won a raffle to implode an old baseball stadium.