“As you can see, I’m a bit proximal. How am I now? Oooh, a little distal now. Okay, back a little. Perfect.”
I’m never going to crack my knuckles again.
I landed in the hospital for nearly a month. And it’s a strange, strange universe with its own rules.
If you’re a nurse — regardless of what your specialty is — I am sure you will be able to relate to some of these!
But alone, I dance with The Reaper. I hide in a black cloak, and run my skeletal fingers up and down his spine.
Kim Carsons, the “morbid youth of unwholesome proclivities” who stars in William S. Burroughs’s novel The Place of Dead Roads, would love Richard Barnett’s gorgeously illustrated new book, The Sick Rose: Disease and the Art of Medical Illustration.
3. Nobody wants to get the IV right on the first try more than us.
And if you really feel like getting into the spirit, add some alcohol to the mix! Everyone else is already drunk, so you might as well put in a solid effort to catch up with the rest.
Whenever I get injured or sick, my go-to method is the ol’ “do nothing.” Yep. I do nothing. I continue on with my life, dragging my half-working body around like I’m the guy from Monty Python and The Holy Grail. “It’s just a flesh wound!” I shout as my arm falls off.
Panic attacks send adrenaline all over your body. When I have one, my heart races and my hands shake like someone’s doing brain surgery on me while I’m awake. The rest of my body might shiver or tremble with little seizures.