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Lurking

Creeping is an almost pointless endeavor if you don’t have a trusted friend to whom you can show your findings with attached commentary such as “OMG isn’t she so beautiful it’s so unfair!!” or “Look at how cute his old blog was!”

I also miss the bizarre world of Myspace celebrity. Back in the day, you could get a Myspace profile and garner such a strong following that it would result in a record deal or reality TV show, a la Jeffree Star and Tila Tequila.

Your internet history will be in a really #dark place. Besides having Google searches such as, “What does it sound like when doves cry?” and “Voodoo love spells for the brokenhearted”, you’ll also be lurking them from every social networking corner possible.

Did you want to immortalize your birth on Facebook with a picture and a list of family members? How about a photo album of your mother’s C-section? Great news, dummy — now you can. Somehow Facebook has managed to trivialize even the act of giving life itself.

Get lost in learning about their life. Go through their comprehensive internet history and “meet” their significant others, their friends, their cute little bulldog named Gus. Cringe each time you look but always come back for more.

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