I want Natalie Imbruglia telling me that the sky is torn, Jewel telling me that I can’t break her hands, Courtney Love being the girl with the most cake, and Liz Phair stealing my lighter and losing the map.

You don’t ask many questions. You don’t question what animal bologna comes from. You don’t question if American cheese is as much cheese as Swiss or cheddar. You make no distinction between mayo or Miracle Whip. You like what you like.

Stop, Drop, and Roll: If you are ever on fire, you need to remember to stop, drop, and roll. Grownups tell us this all the time. Probably that means everyone will be on fire at least once. This will come up! Remember it!