Luke Skywalker

A man standing in his saddle in the half-lit half-alive dawn banged on the shutters and called two names. He was just a hat and a cloak levitating in the grey plume of his own breath, but when he called we came. That much is certain — we came.

If we don’t get to do the things you find most fun, I will feel immensely guilty as a hostess. So you have to give me somewhere to start. Saying, “I don’t know. Show me around! Whatever you want to do!” makes me feel 100 percent responsible for your good time.

Obi Wan Kenobi once told a young Skywalker, “A Jedi can feel the force running through him.” I am no different. All 90 pounds of my skinny body shakes with anticipation. I swing my aluminum slugger in the backyard, working as both bat and lightsaber.

Today, May 4th, is national “Star Wars Day,” when nerds everywhere gather in gleeful celebration of the joy that George Lucas has brought to their lives — with the hopeful exception of those three prequel movies that really really sucked. Of course, President Barack Obama won’t declare “Star Wars Day” to be an official national holiday, just like he can’t catch Osama bin Laden won’t release his birth certificate can’t do something else that we’ll think of later on. …Shame on you, Mr. President!