Is anyone more given to slippery, specious rhetoric and empty, treacly platitudes than politicians and the hippie “activists”-slash-entertainers of yore?

Sometimes if I’m walking with someone I don’t know very well I think about how pieces of a building could collapse on us in a freak accident and then we’d forever be tied by some thing that happened to us that neither of us could control. I think about how embarrassing it would be to watch a stranger bleed out.

Thus candy buttons, the most aggravating sweet treat ever, were born. Here’s how you eat them: peel one off ever so slowly so as to avoid getting that obnoxious chunk of paper. Get chunk of paper nonetheless and swear under your breath.

When I found the little folded patch of tinfoil in the slot built to house pens and pencils, I remembered the three hits of acid I’d stored there and had one of those why not? moments before the tabs found my tongue.


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