Harry and I met while I was on a poetry tour in London. There was this instant, palpable feeling that we already knew each other.
Arrive noisily in the middle of someone reading. Say “I need a bottle opener,” as you open the door. People will look over at you. Look apologetic but still whisper to the people around you, “Do you guys have a bottle opener?”
I learned the hard way about cramps. Specifically, that they can be painful enough to make you puke.
LOL these are so hilarious. Old people are the best!
My fellow drinkers who give a shit, if you happen to find yourself on this strip of land and don’t make it out far east enough to hit the hamptons, or if you live in Utah, then be on the look out for these warning signs that your drink will be terrible.
No sooner than I conceived of such a sentimental thought, much less completed it, I was pummeled by a — BLASTED in the face by what felt like a love tap from Old Faithful — sending me deep underwater; confused and disoriented, churning around in the salty undertow.
I already have plans with that certain someone that I hate, but would never admit to hating.
Actually, a lot. One date can hurt a lot.
“Lit my bangs on fire. Didn’t panic, just kept blazing.”