Open Excel and start making a nonsensical spreadsheet or one of your favorite bars ranked by drink price and ambiance.
There’s one other dude there who’s super into knives but too shy to say it in front of his gun-toting cohorts. You guys get to talking and become life long best friends.
Right, so let’s start with the pants. When I saw that they were somehow able to combine floral, paisley and plaid, I knew I had to have them.
It’s like whoever used to design their layouts stopped showing up to work in 1993 and the editors just haven’t noticed yet.
In the future, people will get wise and put the instructions to the dances right in the songs. Your grandchildren will have no trouble learning the Humpty Hump or the Cha-Cha Slide.
You know that horrible cliche in movies when a blind person asks a seeing person to describe the sunset? This is how I feel asking my day job friends about Fridays.
Further reduce utility costs by never turning on your lights as a single light bulb can cost over $0.007 per hour (!), and besides, the darkness will hide you from the shadow people.
You and Daniel Day-Lewis will someday ride off into the sunset together on the backs of dragons.
Ctrl+F for things in my room.
You’re writing thank you notes on monogrammed stationery, I’m instagramming my latte.