We’ve thrown the concept of trust for our employees out the door — this circus we call a corporation has put into place a series of tracking mechanisms to ensure that you’ll be sleeping with one eye open every night. For example, you sign into our mandatory company-wide instant messenger the minute you walk into the office.

Stop, Drop, and Roll: If you are ever on fire, you need to remember to stop, drop, and roll. Grownups tell us this all the time. Probably that means everyone will be on fire at least once. This will come up! Remember it!

I think the existence of the word “nice” allows people who think “there is no good or bad in art” to say things about art while still feeling like “there is no good or bad in art.”

You see, I’m not like other deities who love all people and are merely disappointed by their failings. No, I feel hate, and I hate you.

Posted yesterday, it’s already at over 500k views; highlights include “Could you turn it up a bit?,” “Um, could you turn it down a bit?,” and “Listen, listen, listen, listen, LISTEN.” We think it’s super funny and are totally looking forward to more of these episodes.

When people haven’t wanted to interact IRL they’ve apparently been excusing themselves as tired, busy with work, “sick,” “not available,” or other socially acceptable — but, most times, indirect — reasons that are, at best, polite or tactful; at worse, perhaps, harmlessly dishonest.

Fast forward to the now and I still don’t know when the hell to throw down a LOL. I mean, when was the last time you typed “LOL” and were actually, physically laughing out loud? It’s rare that one laughs out loud during a typed conversation, but it seems that LOL is thrown around quite gratuitously.

It had that handsome young man. You know the one. He was in the film about the boy who was a little…you know… slow. What do you mean I can’t say slow? That’s what he was. You know the one. He was in The Departure with Jack Whatshisname. Leonardo. Leonardo…DaVincio. He’s very handsome. I don’t much care for him.


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