“If I could map out the timeline of my life, I would never get my dick sucked by someone who doesn’t like Drake.”
It’s going to be an adventure. A sweaty, sweaty adventure.
You will *not* enter your credit card information for that free trial.
But you somehow have…no chapsticks?
What you tell your mom: “Can’t complain!”
What you’re really thinking: “Do you have 20 minutes for me to complain?”
Sorry this post exists, but BITCH. BETTER. HAVE —
“Few things I’d rather see less.”
But what if you’re just looking for a night of passion? Well don’t worry, I’ve got you covered too. Happy Humping!
The kid who: organized M.A.S.H rounds and knew everyone’s crushes, so they set it up so that M.A.S.H was as embarrassing as possible.
Is now the adult who: holds Bachelor viewing parties at their house.
You should date a girl who insults the hell out of your ego, like at least twice a day.