My fellow drinkers who give a shit, if you happen to find yourself on this strip of land and don’t make it out far east enough to hit the hamptons, or if you live in Utah, then be on the look out for these warning signs that your drink will be terrible.
No sooner than I conceived of such a sentimental thought, much less completed it, I was pummeled by a — BLASTED in the face by what felt like a love tap from Old Faithful — sending me deep underwater; confused and disoriented, churning around in the salty undertow.
I already have plans with that certain someone that I hate, but would never admit to hating.
Actually, a lot. One date can hurt a lot.
“Lit my bangs on fire. Didn’t panic, just kept blazing.”
I’ll just sit reeeeeally still so no one knows how baked I am…
Being an adult is hard, am I right?
I’ve noticed this trend with people at cafes. It almost always happens when you’re in a hurry, and want to get your food and/or drink and GTFO. It’s when people make their own f*cking lines.
If you consistently masturbate with a butt plug, you 100% have commitment issues.