Always check the location of your thong before exiting the bathroom. It is possible that you pulled it up over your sweater.
Introverts tend to mind their own business because they legit don’t care about extrovert’s drama. Extroverts tend to exaggerate even the most pointless, boring of events.
Befriend an enemy. If you can win over an enemy, you have a good shot at becoming a leader in this future dystopia.
It’s not that you don’t work out either. You hit the gym three or four times a week but it’s no where near enough to counter the after dinner highway robbery of your willpower and the 7 biscuit ransom being held against you.
Since I’m very self-aware, I guess I could change. Start watching my words. Conduct all kale consumption in the kitchen. Stop trying to conquer the planet in a long weekend.
From the first sip you’ve known, coffee was really all you’d ever needed. It’s the push you’d needed to be a better, less grumpy, but stinkier breathed version of yourself.
Even a “rosebud” cheat doesn’t buy you happiness.
You’re still not going to be looked at like a Giselle or an Angelina. Nope. You’re going to be greeted with an, “Awwww! Babe!” because you have a baby face. And there’s really no way to be a sexy baby.
Rapper B.o.B. reveals himself as a Flat Earth Society member.
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