Never assume you were the only woman lucky enough to deserve a cheekbone bruise. Bitches are lining up to be failed by those biceps.
Everything is embarrassing.
“Why didn’t we have sex last night?”
Randomly select “Log out of all devices” on Netflix from another computer and then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Suggest going for coffee and when they agree say that you can’t because coffee gives you the shits. Don’t explain.
PULL THE LEVER CRONK!
The King can’t cook.
Sometimes being dramatic is a little fun, but I admit I have to control my outbursts more often than I actually attempt to.
You’re close with your parents and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Calling them and talking about anything and everything (and sometimes nothing) is near and dear to your heart.
These posts are 2 much 2 handle.