And it is for my fellow females as much as for my dude friends that I declare that, while still rare, this reality is not only possible, but it already exists!
Cry your heart out.
When the two of you discuss your future plans she always gleefully suggests cutting off all ties with friends and family.
He’s sitting on his couch, playing Madden and pretending to be an actor.
Stalk myself on Instagram.
By my own definition, I am not a bitch. I believe that a bitch is a truly mean-spirited person who enjoys inflicting emotional pain and suffering on others. By many other people’s definition though, I’m a HUGE bitch.
Whenever the couple I’m being tagged along with goes for a shopping spree, I would offer help on carrying their purchases so they could hold hands while walking. I don’t think of it as a form of slavery; I just have to make sure the couple spends quality time with each other and carrying shopping bags spoils that moment.
This state smells exactly the same way it looks — like a penis.
I swear if you use your spatula to make another pile of rice shaped into a heart look like it’s beating I’m going to take a dump on the grill.