Tag

lil wayne

Look, kids in the suburbs. I get it. There’s not a whole lot to do other than invent new ways to get messed up. I was a teenage “rebel” once. My sister and her friends used to pound Red Bull and have “hyper parties.” I had a guy friend who used to try and smoke banana peels. One time, I attempted to get drunk off my dad’s O’Douls.

His eleventh studio album, Write Me Back, is due next month (and I mean that’s fantastic because this homage was happening either way; at least now it can happen under the guise of relevance). Now’s a good a time as any to brush up on the eclectic, puzzling, oft-straight-up-questionable catalog of Kelz.

Back in 1984 while repeatedly listening to “The Message” by Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five, I contracted an incurable disease. Rapilepsy.

Taraka and Nimai Larson can’t wait to meet you. Most artists will hide behind a shield of press contacts and merchandise movers, but Taraka and Nimai do everything themselves…

The question is, what if Lil’ Wayne were reincarnated as a basketball player? Who would he be? Answer, in case you’re wondering, is Marquis Daniels. Here are some other projections. Feel free to chime in with suggestions.

My favorite album is probably Pinkerton by Weezer, but I’d rather eat a cardigan for breakfast every day of my life than walk around with a tattoo of that artwork like the poster child for shorthand hipsterism. My grandfather never taught me to draw anything. He did teach me: “Slow down when you’re taking that turn!” That’s not exactly something I want to commit to my flesh forever.

You learn the procedures, you become familiar with how the different coffee tastes and what it mixes well with. It’s not some magical set of spells and incantations that you learn over high-moon ceremonies as you sacrifice a chicken with your shift manager–it’s making god damn espresso.

As of late, however, there seems to be a shift happening. You can feel it in the air, in the rustling of leaves. It’s as though, and perhaps we are all to blame, you’ve overstayed your welcome. What was once charming and novel has become all too familiar and, well, invasive.

Semi-ambitious and fully conscious beautiful biracial butterfly seeks employment. Requires 4 days off/week and $80,000/year+ salary. Will not: wear nametag or bra, answer to authority, keep regular hours, or pass a drug test. Will offer customer service based on the attractiveness of the customer, bare breasts to make sales, take TCBY breaks on a regular basis, starting at 10 am when they open.

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