My brother, the felon, strolled into prison, kept his head held high, and inspired me with a few gems of wisdom along the way.
No one does better covers than Boyce Avenue.
1. “Fancy,” Iggy Azalea Featuring Charli XCX
You’ve been dying for a song to come out that sounds like Lil Kim scissoring Gwen Stefani while Ke$ha watches and masturbates to an Insane Clown Posse beat.
Technology resurrected Michael Jackson for one more performance.
6. There is no doubt about it. Jason Derulo is not a pizza.
6. Wearing a flower crown.
Braid your hair into as many little braids as possible. Wander around the house pretending to be Sean Paul. Do things you think Sean Paul would do around his house on his day off.
If you’re not interested in having a healthy love life, by all means, use this song as a blueprint. (Just maybe don’t compare yourselves to dolphins. That’s weird.)
The bridge has been burned, now it’s your turn to cry.
15. “Just Got Paid”
Every time I cashed my minimum wage check from BlockBuster Video back in 2000, I would crank this song in my Geo Tracker to let everyone know of my recent financial blessings.