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Jonathan Franzen

The Corrections, a story that centers on the dissolution of a dysfunctional Midwestern family, was ready to make its small-screen debut with help from Franzen himself, who co-wrote the script. He wasn’t the only big name that believed in the project — director Noah Baumbach and producer Scott Rudin were on board, along with an all-star cast including Ewan McGregor, Maggie Gyllnehaal, Chris Cooper, and Dianne Wiest.

Look, I take pretty decent care of my teeth. I go to the dentist every six months for a cleaning and rarely have a cavity. But one thing I can’t bring myself to do is floss. Every time I see the dentist he sends me home with some easy-to-use newfangled version of flossing and promises me that it’s not hard and I just have to get the hang of it.

“We like twitter as a place to relax and goof around!” isn’t really a rallying cry I can get behind. It feels like used cars with fast food wrappers all inside them, and in light of that I actually agree with Franzen and wish Twitter did not exist, though I think he misses entirely what I find as the point. I don’t want to watch you talk to friends or know where you are going for dinner.

Then, the show abruptly ended. Viewers moved on. Wishbone had a few books out that showcased his skillful poetry, but most people didn’t care. If you watch PBS, you don’t buy books. You absorb them through osmosis.

On my way out, I was told I’d been banned from the Arclight for life, which I felt was acceptable, as they charge too much and people talk during the movies anyway. It was more important that I uncover the hidden meaning behind this relationship between Jonathan Safran Foer, Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

And it’s not just that the characters find themselves in depressing situation after depressing situation (well, they kind of do), it’s the fact that the scope of the novel makes every depressing instance so much more tragic because you’re highly familiar with what lead each character to the sad place they’re in currently.

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