You invest in a Michael Kors watch.
I don’t think anyone believes that her first love will end in a courtroom before a judge.
As unpaid employees, you lack certain benefits: the obvious paycheck, healthcare, and protection from sexual harassment. Yes, you read that correctly.
Because, however awful-turned-amazing this might be, this is the reality of life as a modern-day intern.
You clean yourself off, join the rest of the overwrought, unpaid interns in the office, and douse your puffy, pillow face with your special brew. It consists of strong black coffee (to crack you out) mixed with merlot (Charles Shaw obvi) and topped off with slices of apples (to clean your teeth).
We all know your company will never, ever use those sparkly iron-on letters you found at Michael’s.
The threesome was a going away present for my boyfriend who just a few days ago moved away to Boston for the entire summer to study some complicated science stuff at Harvard. (Apparently Harvard is “in” right now.) So now I’m sad and alone at my apartment staring at my air-conditioner, feeling depressed about the fact that I’ve literally already watched every (good) porn movie on the internet multiple times over.
In New York, everyone’s always crying about not having any money but it’s like, just move to Kansas City, Missouri, and live like a king if you hate it here so much. This isn’t Just Kids by Patti Smith anymore.
Oh, we have 55 mutual friends and you’re telling me that this is a “Person I May Know”? Screw off, Facebook. Of course I know this person. How could I forget them? They taunted me mercilessly in high school. They gave me anxiety while walking down the hallways and intimidated me with the Linkin’ Park sticker on their backpack. [
For those who just became aware of my existence last week, I’d like to point out that I’m not a member of the custodial staff. Get your own damn half and half. While I’m aware that the world we work in is incestuous, unlike the sycophantic 20-somethings that usually fill my position, I really don’t care.