You’re in luck, creepy man, because while some women prefer that lovely “butterfly” feeling, I prefer it when men make my skin crawl.
“You certainly have lots of juicy bumps.”
Ahh yes, the words every woman waits to hear in reference to her face.
Here is a classified list of traits to a certified fuckboy with a degree in fuckboyism and a minor in douche.
“I gave the bride her something borrowed. But I didn’t tell her it was from my marriage that didn’t work out…”
Don’t let your sorrow show in your love handles and double chins—only feel bad for yourself for a limited amount of time.
“I don’t care. I’ll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!” Liz Lemon
With cohesive experience in aimlessness, malaise, and self-loathing, I believe I have the combination of spirit and emotional illiteracy to be a weighty resource for the unconcerned employer.
“I miss you so much I don’t even remember you!”
I’m looking for a Series D-cup to invest in and I like your specs.
“Honey, we need to clean the ceiling fan when we’re done.”