“The number one thing I hate about this season is Christmas music. I absolutely HATE Christmas music.”
“Whether you’re offending by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don’t really mean either.”
Do I do a rousing rendition of Creed hits at karaoke? Yes, yes I do. I love getting raspy and belting out potentially Christian, post-grunge rock ballads. I imagine myself rocking a strange khaki jacket in the middle of an abandoned field and hearing thousands of fans also singing, “Welcome to this place.”
If you are facing new challenges / obstacles, then you’re going the right way.
uncle: “when are you gonna get a job?”
me: “when are you gonna get your hairline back?”
Let’s be honest, Thanksgiving is great but it’s also stressful. It needs “the funny”.
WARNING: Do NOT click on any links marked “PHOTO” within three hours of eating any meals.
“I buy scented candles and light them regularly. I love it.”
“The perfect woman likes to come over, have sex, and leave.”
I grew up fully aware of the fact that I was never going to be the tall, gorgeous girl that ruled every high school and college campus. I’ve always been too short, and in fact spent most of my high school and college years learning to subtly stand on tiptoes to be the same height as everyone else.