“Spending a good 4-5 hours of the morning, as a guest in someone’s house, contemplating whether anyone’s in the bathroom.”
When ur bestie invites u out with her but she brings her OTHER bestie w/ y’all, so ur like this the whole night.
Why do you demand that women be good-looking when you’ve obviously never taken a look in the mirror?
She realizes that part of the value in having a guy over is so that he can chop finicky vegetables.
The squash struggle is raw and real.
Kiss your old life goodbye and prepare for a plethora of bruises in the most obscure parts of your body.
“Told her beauty is why God invented eyeballs. And her booty is why God invented my balls.”
I fell in love with the cerulean ceiling on one of my first dives.
“You park like Helen Keller.”
Her Instagram would be perfectly curated and she’d have guest appearances on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Jasmine gives off major ‘Mean Girl In High School’ vibes, but for some reason, you still want to hang out with her.
Let me be the Danny to your Sandy.