Remember, whatever you do, never say any of the following to your amazing and lovely pregnant wife.
We outgrow places, and we move on, in more ways than one.
“Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.”
Naturally, people picked up their phones immediately — and started reporting cases of UFO sightings and extraterrestrial contact.
“Fuck it to death.”
“If your bike is older than you are, you might be a hipster.”
This student at the University of Iowa tweeted at Aaron to vote for her sorority in competition run by Iowa Greek Life’s account, but he wasn’t having it.
Every time you stop texting them first just to know how long it takes until they initiate a conversation, just to realize they will never do so.
“He couldn’t get the right angle to get in and had a premature detonation.”
It probably shouldn’t surprise me that Bill Clinton has mastered the dad joke by now, but it doesn’t make it any less funny when he proves that he’s more than just a past president — he’s a father, too.