“Well, here’s my advice: have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, a lot of mimosas.”
You still can’t get over jeggings. Seriously, leggings that look like jeans? MOVE OVER EINSTEIN, BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS GENIUS.
If Amazon offered pap smears, I would be the first woman uploading pictures of my vagina and sending my genetic material in a pre-printed tube and box for analysis. If you could buy a car through Amazon with as much ease, I would happily buy my next car through Amazon.
Puking, as much as you miss it, is few and far between these days. You left the glamour of hangovers behind with your 20s, bless.
Sorry not sorry. When you are shamelessly proud of your bad behavior, so you are sorry that you are not sorry about it even though you should be very sorry about it.
Do you remember when Cher in Clueless sent herself flowers and chocolates? Do the same. That tennis bracelet you’ve been eyeing? Buy it.
“His breath was so rank—I’m talking demons dancing on his tongue rank.”
If your lover is honey, don’t lick it all.
“My rule of thumb is you should be able to remember every person.”
“#BeforeFacebookI had to stalk my exes with binoculars and camouflage.”