Someone recently shit on her car, stupid ass thought it was me for some reason. I never wanted to see her again after that, dated her for a year.
I’m not quite sure when it happens, but there’s a certain moment in our teenage lives when our minds become clouded with dating rules.
Everything is more expensive and packaged together. I don’t want a seven course pre-fixed meal. I just want pizza.
“Some men can’t be bothered to take a single shower and just spray deodorant all over themselves, thinking that it’ll cover the smell, when it actually doesn’t. Take a damn shower.”
Real women get real about how guys can up their game “down there.”
Pop a bottle of champagne and say cheers to your wonderful single self.
“I love you as much as Bernie Sanders hates wall street.”
Dance. Dance like no one is watching because, quite literally, no one is. You are alone. ALL ALONE.
“When I was in 3rd grade, I found Polaroids of my parents getting down and dirty on their honeymoon.”
“Well, here’s my advice: have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, a lot of mimosas.”