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How to Have a Baby

Go home. Unfold / read instructions out loud with partner. Laugh at the phrases “urine stream” and “test wand.” Wait for her to come out of the bathroom, then examine the wand with a focus-level so intense you feel, ironically, detached from the event. Note the rapidity / absoluteness of the indicator showing positive, registering this as an In The Flow sign of fertility, health, and, for the first time, the health of your future child.