I’m here to help you acclimate back into society.
I began to make meticulous lists. Lists of people I needed to tell I loved them more often. Things I needed to do before I died.
Like it’s some mystical new age therapy with intangible healing properties. It’s not Kaballah, it’s a food allergy. Are you into reiki, homeopathy, or the healing power of crystals, magnets or Head of the Class reruns? You might be a phony celiac.
Eat, Pray, Love AKA The Basic Bitch Bible changed your life. One day, when you find yourself trapped in a loveless marriage to a rich man in Connecticut, you’re going to leave him to go find yourself through extensive prayer and pizza.
Gluten Allergy wasn’t always allergic to gluten. “Oh god, I used to eat so much pasta and drink a lot of beer,” The lead singer, Savannah, confessed to me over a plate of air. “But I would usually either poop my pants after or vomit, so I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with celiac disease.”
Celiac disease, otherwise known as the notorious gluten allergy, was first invented at a trendy restaurant in Beverly Hills a few years ago by a starving woman named Ocean.