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getting high

I recently went to go see The Vow alone because I hate myself and also because all of my friends decided that they were above watching some syrupy sentimental shlock. But I’m not! No sirrie. I will never be above watching some dramatic romance movie involving comas, memory loss, and Channing Tatum’s body.

Author and neuroscientist David Linden’s book on animals getting stoned in the wild by eating naturally occurring psychoactive substances on purpose, The Compass of Pleasure: How Our Brains Make Fatty Foods, Orgasm, Exercise, Marijuana, Generosity, Vodka, Learning, and Gambling Feel So Good was recently released by Viking Books.

The sad part of this whole article is, I don’t even like being stoned. I am the worst, most stereotypical stoned person in the world. I get paranoid. I get dry-mouthed. I get the munchies. I laugh at stupid TV. I make phone calls that I shouldn’t make. I want to have sex. I say things like: “Please tell me that I don’t have to leave this room,” or, conversely — “I HAVE to go outside, I can’t handle this scene anymore.”

I was in my car and on my way to buy an Airport Express when my lung collapsed. I decided to go ahead with the purchase, partially because I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, and partially because I had driven 45 minutes in traffic to get to the computer store.

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