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Gay

I had never really given it much thought because there was a big part of me that always knew instinctively. Then, in my early 20s I realized that people are actually probing for specific instances of my raging homosexual tendencies.

Coming out in some black families is the equivalent of ringing a death knell; it was this reality that forced me to crawl into a dark closet, lock the door, close all the latches and swallow the key for twelve years. It also created a sense of resentment and self-hate toward blackness.

I have to learn my value, and that I deserve to be with someone who equally wants to be with me. These are things I should have discovered years ago, things my 18-year-old sister is better equipped at dealing with due to her many high school romances.

Falling in love with a closeted guy is a catch-22. The love is passionate, true, and scandalous. You feel like you’re living in a movie. For the time you spend with him, it’s great. However, you slowly learn that love shouldn’t be hidden.

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