I have a really important meeting tomorrow that I would like to be 100 percent ready for so I would really appreciate it if you spent the night somewhere else tonight? No hard feelings? Thanks, you’re the best.
These are ridiculously hilarious.
Are you too lazy to get out of bed and to work out? Me too! Do leg lifts or butt squeezes while you’re reading this for heavens sake!
“Are you going to be in school forever?”
Most women agree that it grinds their gears, but at this point they choose to ignore it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ex-Target shoppers.
“Ugh…can I take a nap first?”
No sooner than I conceived of such a sentimental thought, much less completed it, I was pummeled by a — BLASTED in the face by what felt like a love tap from Old Faithful — sending me deep underwater; confused and disoriented, churning around in the salty undertow.
I cannot promise to not break your heart. I cannot promise to fuel the fire in your heart on a rainy day. But your heart will be shattered only because I loved you too hard.
“Lit my bangs on fire. Didn’t panic, just kept blazing.”