You were way more emotionally invested in him than he was in you. Mostly because he didn’t know who you were. And also because you just fell in love with his Twitter.
Tatiana: Only dates white boys.
“Have a baby. It’ll save your relationship.”
How stupid are people?
Wrestle your friends—but, like, only when you’re drunk and bored and when it just makes sense to do so in the moment.
*Stares at wind turbines* “Oh… so that’s why it’s windy.”
They think your use of Internet abbreviations is cause for concern. As if your vast lexicon of useful abbreviations means your vocabulary is somehow less good than that of a person who can’t decode a simple lmao, wtf, or imo.
You’ve been at the bar for a while now, and this ~*~Fun Ladies Night Halloween~*~ has fully metamorphosed into a race to get guys dressed up as either Darth Vader or Ken Bone to buy you as many cranberry vodkas as your bladder can handle. You’re starting to feel the burn from fake-smiling at the guy who is currently explaining to you how private equity firms work.
Tinder = Kmart. Similar to Kmart, most people don’t go to Tinder if they’re looking for high-quality, long-term investments.
Photograph yourself in a gym. This one should be a no-brainer. If you’re not taking selfies at the gym, how is anybody going to know that you’re strong enough to lift your phone?