If I don’t know them, they probably don’t know me. So, I’m actually kind of doing them a favor.
When out with friends you order beer over wine, whiskey over vodka, chicken wings over a salad.
I don’t feel guilty that I spend my Saturdays getting massages and brunch, while my homeowner friends tend to the lawn. Ask a homeowner what they did with their weekend, and I would bet 9 times out of 10, it will have something to do with yard work.
Does anyone love to fish that much?
Perhaps the most extraordinary aspect of Trump’s presidency is the ubiquitous nature of his Twitter.
“I used to be able to pull all-nighters but now I can barely pull all-dayers.”
The thing that keeps me up at night is that I did this. Willingly, I might add.
Life is way too short to try and be something I’m not.
Remember kids, be careful when typing in that phone number for the first time…
“Swans are pure devil spawn. They want to kill anything that moves near them. Sweet harmless baby ducks born on the pond? Initiate murder instinct. Man who feeds me and cleans my awful poop everyday? Start up the murder protocol.”