We promise ourselves we are better than this. We tell ourselves we are worth more, that we deserve more.
I was convinced if I threw it all away, shoved it in leftover grocery bags and left it on your porch that I would be free. That I would be clean. But I wasn’t.
I knew when you left and my shoulders relaxed; I could breathe again. When the once cursed miles apart became much-welcomed space.
You dream of a life where you don’t have to give an explanation. Where you can simply go with the flow without having to count on your bank account. Without having to prove that your dreams are actually a large collection of ambitions.
One day you wake up and the haze is gone. Every thought is free from negative connotations, once prettily tied up in a bow on each passerby. Every process and function no longer clogged with anxiety-ridden fears. When the light breaks through, there’s no stopping in illuminating the dark.
I’m not unhappy. I’m content within this familiar realm of intoxication, ridiculousness, and satisfaction. I’m even content just staying up late at the library with a small group of friends, alternating between finishing our coursework and laughing over something trivial. It’s everything that you would expect from a first semester in college.
As the independent authors’ community matures, some are wondering whether “free” and deeply discounted books have led the readership to think that “what we do requires little effort and expertise.” The debate is a rich one.
The world is divided into angry people and free people.
19. If someone is making an effort to ignore you, he is not ignoring you.
To be healthy. To be free and grateful for my freedom.