New York City sucks compared to Cleveland.
3. Players dive (acting).
LAST WEEK the Wall Street Journal conducted a very serious study that analyzed which teams engaged in the worst of the 2014 World Cup’s most notorious, annoying, time-honored elements — faking like you’ve been permanently disfigured and need an ambulance to cart you off the pitch.
They say soccer is a sport for neurotics. It certainly is. During a five minute span, you experience hope, anguish, fear, and regret. You witness beautiful athleticism in action, a sort of grace that’s hard to find in any other sport, and sense the build-up that could, maybe — hopefully! — lead to a perfect finish.
Goal Keeper: The straight best friend of the guy you’re trying to pick up.
It’s funny how so much animosity can be harbored towards a singular sport, but soccer has come a long way.
The day we lose, we won’t be thinking of Next Time. We’ll be changing the channel and forgetting all about it. In our vast, vast galaxy of cheap-o entertainment, what’s a World Cup?
I for one can’t wait for the World Cup to be over so everyone can quietly hop off the bandwagon. I’ll pretend like I didn’t notice.
As all the world’s sports fans are consumed the next month in World Cup hysteria and you’re left scratching your head wondering what the hell is going on.
The reason natives were chosen in the first place is because they’re screaming lunatics that would run into battle half naked on peyote. That shit is cool.