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Fan Fiction

How do I look while taking out the trash? While slumped in a chair at work? While crying during this movie? We watch a celebrity like Jennifer Aniston with the awareness of ourselves being watched.

A long, brutal winter that was the warmest on record had settled over the lands. Mothers were clutching their baby bjorns. Fathers were also clutching their baby bjorns, except they made an Adam Sandler movie about it.

WRITER 3: I thought the general was having sex with his memoirist.
WRITER 1: That was Episode 2. And that was a different general.

I rolled my head to the right, and noticed the military headshot hanging over the antique dresser. Of course, this was David’s secret apartment. The one I’d pretended not to know about.

Sometimes you orchestrate your will over others and take control of an entire country. And I mean, who HASN’T done that, am I right?

You wonder about that NYU freshman kid in the purple sweatshirt and what his story is and whether, to be honest, he’d be more interesting than Bret Easton Ellis because Bret Easton Ellis has kind of just, well, given up, it seemed, which was a horrible thing to think about a guy that was sitting right in front of you…

Little did he know, the last thing on earth Claudia was equipped to deal with was the abundance of mismatched neon tube socks, paint-splattered denim overalls, ironic side-boob tanks, authentic eagle feather hair accessories, ikat sweatbands, and sandalwood sandals indicative of Bushwick.

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