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Fan Fiction

Todd’s filthy little tale has been read over a billion times online — yes a billion. She’s signed a six-figure book deal with Simon & Schuster, created an entire line of jewelry centered around the series, and recently sold the rights to a film version to Paramount. Not too shabby for a girl writing sex scenes about her favorite band member on her iPhone.

How do I look while taking out the trash? While slumped in a chair at work? While crying during this movie? We watch a celebrity like Jennifer Aniston with the awareness of ourselves being watched.

A long, brutal winter that was the warmest on record had settled over the lands. Mothers were clutching their baby bjorns. Fathers were also clutching their baby bjorns, except they made an Adam Sandler movie about it.

WRITER 3: I thought the general was having sex with his memoirist.
WRITER 1: That was Episode 2. And that was a different general.

I rolled my head to the right, and noticed the military headshot hanging over the antique dresser. Of course, this was David’s secret apartment. The one I’d pretended not to know about.

Sometimes you orchestrate your will over others and take control of an entire country. And I mean, who HASN’T done that, am I right?

You wonder about that NYU freshman kid in the purple sweatshirt and what his story is and whether, to be honest, he’d be more interesting than Bret Easton Ellis because Bret Easton Ellis has kind of just, well, given up, it seemed, which was a horrible thing to think about a guy that was sitting right in front of you…

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