The epiphanies never happen when we are sitting at a desk forcing and pushing them to come through.
“I’ve learned that I can’t convince people to feel a certain way. Including myself.”
Believe me, it’d be nice if it worked out that way. I’d love to have a badass epiphany. Wouldn’t you?
When the steel pipe was passed to me, I took it, knowing that I was sinning.
You know Zedd’s hit song Clarity? It’s not a serenade to a timeless lover, no, but a tribute to the sweet minutes of solace when one takes a dump. Yes, I said it.
The feeling of being me changed drastically, over only a couple of days. Life lost its normal mildly-threatening background hum. Today, in almost any given moment I actually feel prepared for the rest of my life. That used to be a rare feeling.
I thought there was someone I could love, someone that actually had thoughts and feelings and wasn’t a total sociopath. But the moment I stopped looking for it was the moment I realized that there was no grand surprise, no method to your madness.
I think you live to search for the next moment like that, don’t you? Without those moments punctuating time, life feels dull, and so you search.
Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking.
I immediately went home and manically threw out all of the trashiest clothes in my closet. This included all of my see-through tops (i.e. 50% of my wardrobe) and things like plastic stripper heels and the $19 mini-dresses made of neon pink mock-lace that I wore almost every day this past summer.