A vacation period as defined by therapists and couples counselors is a time frame that generally occurs at the onset of a romance. It is thought that its actual length is dependent on the two individuals involved — one couple’s may last a week while another’s lasts for a year…
It is as though they are less a person and more an amalgam of everything they have done, everything they mean to you. And when you look at them, across a table or while they’re still asleep, there is so very much there to see.
One table lamp with adjustable neck. From all the nights you were working late and I stayed up reading, waiting for you.
You will ask me for a tour and I will take you room by room: the living room that seat isn’t yours, the kitchen ignore the photographs, the bedroom don’t open the closet, the bathroom stay out of that drawer.
Are you sad? Looking to be? A non-exhaustive list for your listening… pleasure.
Moving on is like this: one day you forget the taste. The next, you forget the smell. Then the touch. Then the laugh. Then the smile. Then the jokes. Then the eyes, the hair, the hands, the feet. You forget the socks. You forget the fingers, the toes, the sex.
How long will I grieve on these set moments? There are the bursts of tears on random moments, but it’s gotten down to these two times a year when I grieve for real. On D-day, or Death Day as I call it, and on your birthday. You were always a year ahead of me, but I’m now older than you’ll ever be.
A person is not a prize. You can’t earn or win them by being good enough, fast enough, smart enough or special enough. You can’t keep them on the mantle to remind you of how good, fast, smart or special you were. They do not prove your worth.
Already the air around me feels different. If you are a secular adult and you want to know limbo, stay in New York City for Christmas.
“J, it’s that easy,” he says, as he dips his razor into the running water. The entire bathroom looks like it’s blushing. Even the sink was pink.