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Edie Sedgwick

Coco Chanel, the Queen of Chic, said to take off one piece of jewelry before you leave the house. But why wear SOME jewelry when you can wear ALL of it?

At this point, my friends should despise you — but don’t worry! This is all part of the job. If my roommate neglects to invite you to her birthday party or the friend request you sent to my little sister has sat idle for weeks on end, it just means you’re excelling at your position, which is all I could ask for, really.

If you were put in charge of a country when you were a teenager and married off to a closeted king, what would you do? Ignore all of your responsibilities and spend all day on the internet, duh! Marie Antoinette would totally be posting pics of her decadent parties while her impoverished servants would tweet at her, “WTF? I can’t eat and you just threw a birthday party for your horse?”

Watching Thirteen made me think that I had done middle school all wrong. Instead of watching Dawson’s Creek and crying myself to sleep every night, I should’ve been getting stoned, hooking up with a hot older neighbor and forgetting how to spell the word “photographer.”

You wonder how this meanness could have lived inside of you undetected for all of these years. Gee, a heads up would’ve been nice. “Just so you know, I have the capacity to act completely evil. It’s in your best interest to start running from me screaming.” In prior relationships, you had been the nice boy. You had been the one texting sweet nothings on Ecstasy and laying there like an open wound. How could roles reverse so quickly?

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