1. First things first – I’m financially responsible.
More importantly, you’re a ‘beer guy;’ you’ve been to a couple breweries and know the difference between a stout and a port, which rationalizes your addiction with sentences like “I’ve been meaning to try this one.”
Time Travel. Out of the seven bars you went to last night, you only clearly remember the first two.
Drinking is the only way I can think of that’ll wash all your sad sober feelings away that doesn’t involve putting yourself through drug dealer drama (the most painful drama I can think of — they’re so aware they have the upper hand) or stealing prescription medication from a hook up.
You don’t need to worry (as much) about doing something stupid.
House parties are the best thing in the world. It’s an indisputable fact that has been proved by historians, scientists and mathematicians alike (bonus points for a Halloween House Party).
My dad accidentally said “I take you Helen Keller…” instead of “Helen” when he married my mom. He was nervous and it just popped out.
“When you want something, you just go get it.”
You are automatically the designated driver.
I had no choice but to take her home, gave her some water to neutralize the alcohol and change her clothes.