Break-ups make people do a lot of crazy things. Some people put each and every ounce of the unrequited love they gave to a punching bag or a treadmill and lose weight.
He comes out from the other room completely naked and gyrating, saying “You got more than you bargained for!”
This is a list I’ve compiled of the sh*t people say to bartenders and what bartenders want to secretly say back.
Because when I drank it, I got far too angry.
At you. At the world.
Scorpio: When you’re drunk, you become self-destructive. Even though you know better, you’ll pick up your phone and text your ex about how much you miss them–or about what a complete and utter ass they are.
You can never outrun the hangover.
I feel like it makes me dumber, slower, and fatter. It leads to insincere friendships and failed relationships. More than anything, though, I feel like it’s inhibiting my ability to have fun without it.
“Last Call”: You don’t have to go home, but you do have to get your ass the hell up out of here.
How you gonna bootycall
all this magic?
All this fire and brimstone?
Stop telling me I’m drunk so you think you have an excuse to touch me. I don’t need you holding my hand while I get a glass of water. I don’t need you to help me sit back down. I don’t need you touching my shoulders to “help” me sit up straight. I especially don’t need you caressing my head while I dozed off.