Having other people voice concern about your mental and emotional health makes your panic spin out of control. For them to see your struggle and see what you have to go through every day just to get through life is terrifying for you. You would rather save them from seeing you like that.
I know that anxiety isn’t something that can overtake me. I know that I am more powerful than the thoughts it puts in my head. But sometimes, on some days, I give up. I give up on finding anybody. It’s easier to just let go. It’s easier to just stop. It’s easier to just let life take the wheel.
I need for anxiety not to control my entire life. I need for myself to be stronger.
Your bed is your safe haven. No one can hurt you there. No one can bother you. No one has to see if you’re in a terrible state or mood. Your bed is the only place where you can be your true self.
You could be out with your girls for happy hour, or kicking back on a Sunday watching football with your best friends, when suddenly your heart beats at a scary rate, and you feel like you’re going to be sick. It’s really terrifying to experience this, especially when it seems to be coming out of nowhere.
Anxiety makes me feel like I can never say ‘yes’ to plans. It overwhelms me with to do lists and unchecked boxes in my brain that tell me that I can never relax. It’s always making me sprint to the finish line, and run until my legs go numb.
I’m always living in the unknown. Always on edge just waiting for the floor to collapse under me. Always just waiting for the people I love to go away as soon as I feel stable. Always waiting for my happiness to disappear as soon as I learn how to smile again.
We fret over the smallest of things. We overthink until we feel like our heads will explode. We think and think and think. It never turns off. It never disappears. It never slows or quiets down. It never stops, no matter how happy we are and no matter how in love we are with our lives or other people.
You are obsessed with being the best of the best. Whether it’s in school or work or your personal relationships, you always want to be the best student, the best employee and the best friend.
I’m done feeling like a burden. Feeling like I am less of a fantastic human being because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. And if you can’t handle my imperfect life, if you can’t handle that I have a mental illness, you can walk away. You can get out of my life.