Do you belong to a Facebook group called, “North Kennedy High Promz 2012, so we don’t all wear the same dress, OMG”? Have you recently been made aware by Katy Perry, or someone who sounds a lot like Katy Perry, that you are, in fact, a firework?

He got in his car, a 2009 Scion xB, which he bought because he wanted something sensible and reliable but at the same time wanted something a little edgy, and drove (hurriedly, but safely) to Walgreens. He was going to buy Details, and maybe some condoms but probably not because he felt like he had enough already.

I can’t fake anything, really. I inherited from my mother the complete inability to lie or pretend anything. If she’s unhappy, everyone in the room knows it. If she’s enjoying something, everyone in the room knows it. Her face cannot tell lies, and neither can mine.