You close your eyes and heartlessly submit to the monsters of your past. You reach the nothingness of the abyss. You open your eyes. You’ve been here before. But you don’t feel anymore.
I’ve begun to believe it myself. Every time I feel my chest get heavy, my hands get sweaty, my vision become disconnected, I tell myself to suck it up: that it’s all in my head. Maybe it is.
It’s isn’t exciting. It isn’t as poetic, or romantic as it seems to be on television and books. It doesn’t just ‘go away’ when love or some miracle worker comes along. It stays. It lingers.
Worriers, we are strong. We are powerful.
“You should be more positive/optimistic.”
So on those dark days, the ones which bury you, when your bed feels like the safest place on earth, when the thought of having to talk to another person makes your stomach somersault so violently you want to be sick, just remember who you are.
You visualize interactions before they happen. Whether it’s a first date, or a group hangout, you visualize and imagine what you are going to say in your head beforehand and try to think of every possible scenario that could happen.
All of us have a monkey brain. Your brains’ job is to figure out what can go wrong and make you obsess about it.
On some days you are too physically and mentally exhausted to get out of bed. At times, the world can be way too much for your mind to handle, and you’ll need to take a few days off and rest your mind and tired body.
I like this photograph because of the way it makes me feel. Like it’s heaven on earth. I like that it’s surreal and comforting at the same time. I like that it’s permanent and immutable. I like that such a pretty thing can never go away or disappear.