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David Letterman

Before Teen Mom, before My Super Sweet 16, there was Engaged and Underage: the perfect program to watch with your parents when you needed to convince them that cutting school and sneaking cigarettes wasn’t the worst thing you could do at 15.

Originally, I was contemplating creating a YouTube video that would become an Internet sensation to present my plea for your abandonment of Fran’s body. Then I realized that such a video would be a wasted attempt: we both know Fran doesn’t “do” computers. Thus, I decided to write to you — yet another thing Fran doesn’t do.

Here’s a video of Mischa Barton behaving erratically and looking STONED AS HELL while she talks about fashion or Darwinism or whatever. Honestly, I can’t tell if she’s coming up or coming down, but even Marisa Cooper would be frightened and say to her, “GET IT TOGETHER, PSYCHO!”