I went Carrie Underwood on him. If you don’t get that reference, just listen to ‘Before He Cheats’.
“Am I a feminist? F— yeah, I’m a feminist. I think that unfortunately people who are maybe threatened by feminism think that it’s about setting your bra on fire and being aggressive, and I think that’s really wrong and really dangerous.” – Jenny Slate
“Selfless Friends Agree That It’s Alyssa’s Turn To Get The Most Drunk”
Q: What do you say when you don’t want to go to yoga?
A: Namaste at home.
“‘Honey, if I wanted to be dating supermodels, I wouldn’t be dating you.”
Max: Never actually uses his dog bed. He prefers the couch.
Creepy Gestures IRL Are Actually Romantic Dates On TV: Standing outside of someone’s window holding a stolen blue French horn is creepy.
Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.