“Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.”
“When you’re chillin and then you touch your pocket and don’t feel your phone.”
“I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things.”
“My hangovers are worse these days because I’m older and because I drink more.”
Some people’s favorite thing to eat, breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
“Me when I’m trying to get my life together but Satan has other plans for me.”
“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt finally deals with Kimmy’s PTSD in the funniest, tenderest ways.”
That Girl Who Never Went Through An Awkward Phase And Was Prettier At The Age Of 12 Than You Are Currently ended up going to SMU for college and somehow got even prettier (what the fuck?).
“Well, after giving it a lot of thought, I have ALSO decided to join the Gilmore Girls reboot. Somebody should probably tell them.”
Only a few hours passed before Jillian got an email that she had made it to the next round, which consisted of providing two additional photographs, height and weight, numerous personal references including family members, and answering 65 questions.