4. He tried to get me to follow him into the bathroom stall and I’m just not that kind of guy. And even if I were, there was a bathroom attendant watching the whole time.

At American Girl Place, there’s a doll salon where you can get your American Girl doll a new hairstyle. If spending all day every day working with fake hair for bratty seven-year-old girls isn’t demoralizing, I don’t know what is. If I worked there, I’d shave all the dolls’ hair off and just call it “The Britney.”

The shrewdest, loudest, most violent lie that LGBT people at Christian colleges and universities carry is this: that no one else like them exists. More important, and more enduring than the stares and questions and assaulting prayers, are the stories of the 70 current students, and 130 alumni who contacted me to say they had the same kind of dreams I did.