At first, you will try to rekindle the dying embers, piece the relationship back together, and save it from going completely downhill. You will convince yourself that what you have with them is worth fighting and staying for.
I feel jealous whenever my friends run into you around town — always wishing I was there to see how you are, hoping you’ll realize that you’re over me. I miss us as friends.
So I guess now I’m grieving, because it’s like you’ve died to me. I instinctively hold onto the guy you once were, but you aren’t the same person from the good memories any longer.
It was the memory of us that wouldn’t allow me to sleep at night. It was the remnants of mental images of us that caused me so many tears. It was the thought of us together that made this pain so excruciating.
If you overcome this intense of a hurt, there will be no more hurt that you can hardly overcome in the future.
And I cried, because it felt final. I always believed that we would eventually find our way back to each other. But this time, this last time — it felt final.
There are small occurrences that remind me my heart has not completely died. It has shut off for a while, but it is just waiting for the right time to start up again.
You put yourself out there. You risked your emotions, you became vulnerable, and by investing your happiness in a completely different person outside yourself, you took a huge leap of faith. Sometimes we fall from those.
It will hurt in a completely and utterly different way than it hurt the first time, but it’s going to be pain all the same. It is a subtler pain. A refined pain.
I know I shouldn’t care anymore. And maybe I don’t. Not the same way as before, anyway. I told myself that a hundred times. It’s just that the saddest part about our relationship is that it was never meant to be.