Thought Catalog

Being Gay Is Gay

Like going nude, we reserve these moments of starkness for the people we trust most. Parading around in our birthday suits can actually be the least intimate way of giving someone an unobstructed view of who we are.

You can be close with women in an intense and amazing way. Half of the reason why women are so guarded with men is because they constantly feel like they’re trying to get into their pants. Since sex isn’t a possibility, you can enjoy a rich beautiful friendship between the genders!

You weren’t the type of guy I go for, but that didn’t matter because I automatically assumed that you and your friends were gay. I don’t know why. Maybe it was your overly-gelled hair, your tight T-shirt, or your flamboyant dancing style which, in retrospect, point more towards your being kind of Jersey Shore rather than gay.

Why do so many straight guys think it’s funny to hit on gay guys? I can’t tell you the number of times that a straight guy has grabbed my ass, package, or groped me, trying to be flirty. Being a gay guy, of course, I’ve read too much into this and mistaken it for actual flirting, only to be horribly embarrassed when they say, “Oh no, bro, I’m just messing with ya.” Well STOP messing with me!

Moreau is being completely serious when he says things like, “All disco balls slow down and eventually stop. You must make the choice here to be a boy of Chelsea.” His book claims to explore the culture of the famed Chelsea neighborhood—something he sees as being overrun with drug and alcohol benders, and long nights dancing to Abba.

Sometimes I feel like being gay is a full-time job. Do straight people ever feel straight? There are moments when I feel extra gay (like when I’m connecting to Britney Spears’ Blackout) and I’m not sure what that even means.

Discover that you like men when you’re 14 and in the shower. Think to yourself, “This is just great.” Keep it a secret for a few years. In the meantime, dye your hair strange colors and tell people that you watch Queer As Folk for the storylines. Masturbate a shocking amount. Become exhausted and depressed.

Spend an obscene amount of money on bath products. A major indicator of class is not in the cars you drive or the house you own. It’s in the $60 bottle of organic cruelty-free lavender shampoo you keep lined on your bathtub.