My anxiety has forced me to be self-aware and develop an incredible knack for being endlessly introspective. I could probably tell you why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling and then extrapolate that feeling out to more feelings. And that in itself is a talent. I’ve even been able to simplify it as skills on my resume: analytical and self-aware.
I might hyperventilate beforehand, I might cry myself to sleep the night before, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that there are going to be days when I have the energy to push myself to do something terrifying. There are going to be days when I silence my anxiety for long enough to really live.
I don’t like to go anywhere on my own. If I’m invited to a party, I want to drive there with a friend, so I don’t have to walk through the door alone. I want someone that I can follow around like a puppy dog, someone that will make me feel a little more comfortable.
If life is going well for too long, then I assume that something bad is bound to happen. That the universe wouldn’t let me be happy for too many weeks without balancing things out.
Anxiety is real and it is painful
These are the days I get stressed about because I don’t do anything when I am supposed to be doing so much.
I stay up at night, because my heart is beating too fast. My lungs are sucking in air too fast. My thoughts are racing too fast, making me terrified of what the future will bring.
Are you ok? No. To be completely honest no.
Nail biting. Foot tapping. Hair twirling. These small signs of nervousness may sound familiar for someone who has social anxiety. But social anxiety isn’t just nervousness — so for people who have social anxiety, these “nervous habits” can manifest in ways we wouldn’t expect.
You can’t date someone that gets pissed at you for being quiet and fidgety around their friends. You can’t date someone that hates how you choose the aisle seat at movie theaters and buses, in case you need to escape.