Thought Catalog
December 14, 2016

10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Horny AF

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1. Reaching out to exes.

Thanks to social media, it’s virtually impossible to resist the temptation to reach out to an ex now and again—especially in the midst of a sexual dry spell. When you need sex, it’s natural to start thinking about all the sex you’ve already had and to long for the people you’ve had it with. Of course you’re going to send a seductive selfie or a suggestive sext to an old flame when you need to get laid, hoping for a little attention from someone who once gave it to you. You’d be an idiot not to!

2. Flirting with literally everyone (including the people you probably shouldn’t flirt with).

You can’t help yourself. Your internal barometer for assessing if and when it’s appropriate to flirt with someone is totally out of whack because it’s been too damn long since you’ve gotten any action. The boundaries that typically prevent you from engaging people who should be off limits for reasons of human decency—your best friend’s boyfriend, your sister’s husband, your boss, etc.—are disintegrating with each passing day that you fail to get some.

3. Making (and prolonging) eye contact with total strangers.

You’re radiating that “fuck me” glow and you’re proud of it. With each passing day that you don’t have sex, you’re more and more likely to stare down strangers because you’re desperate for some form of human contact. If interlocking eyes with a total stranger on the subway is the only semblance of intimacy you can get, you’ll take it.

4. Winking at anyone who gives you the time of day.

When you aren’t flat-out eye-fucking, you’re winking coquettishly at everyone you interact with. It doesn’t matter whether they’re male or female, 20-something or 50-plus. You’re craving connection and your peepers might just be your best shot at a tiny little helping of love these days.

5. Licking your lips.

Subconsciously or not, you’re doing everything possible to draw attention to yourself, especially the more sensual parts of your body. As you sit at your desk or stroll down the street, you lick your lips more frequently than usual, secretly hoping that an attractive man or woman will catch your tongue gliding across the rim of your mouth and approach you for an impromptu romp in the nearest bathroom because they just can’t resist the idea of those plump, juicy lips of yours.

6. Playing with your hair.

Hair play is another one of those flirty acts that tends to become second nature when you’re dying to get laid. On autopilot, you twirl your hair as you ponder the day ahead during your morning commute and as you listen to your colleagues go on about blah blah blah during the morning meeting, gently brushing the tips of your locks against your mouth, caressing your own flesh just provocatively enough, letting others imagine what it might be like to kiss you and to have your hair graze their body, tickling their skin until they develop those near-orgasmic shiveries.

7. Masturbating whenever possible.

If no one else will show you any tenderness, you’ll show yourself some love, thank you very much. Of course you’re touching yourself down there at least daily. Sometimes the masturbation is purely utilitarian, but sometimes it’s actually quite satisfying. As your dry spell continues, you invent new and exciting ways to get yourself off and discover new layers of your own sexuality along the way.

8. ‘Accidentally’ touching people whenever possible.

At a certain point, you shamelessly start grazing co-workers as they pass in the hallway or insist on holding hands with a friend as you watch a movie together. Maybe you even find a reason to lay your hand on a hostess’ shoulder before they guide you to your table. You’re seeking a hint of physical connection, that’s all. You don’t mean to creep people out, but you also can’t risk going too long without human contact of some sort.

9. Lowering your standards.

You’ll take what you can get! As the days go by, you’re more and more likely to forgive the mustache you would’ve considered a dealbreaker three months prior. Bacne? Who cares! Total asshole? It’s not like you have to date them! You just wanna bone. You’re likely to see more and more potential partners through rose colored glasses, as if you’re drunk on horniness morning, noon, and night.

10. Rethinking your sexual limits.

If you don’t have sex for long enough, you’re bound to start reconsidering your overall outlook on doing the dirty. You might even open up to things you once considered off limits, like a same-sex makeout sesh, or anal. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Who are you to turn down phone sex with the guy you once called a stalker, or sex with a high-tech robot? Survival sometimes demands a little flexibility. TC mark

(11. Buying and enjoying Thought Catalog’s first coloring book, Relax Already & Get Sexy.)

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