Thought Catalog

Susannah Breslin

Susannah Breslin is a journalist and the creator of The War Project, an independent online project featuring the ...

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But over time, I would increasingly see people coming to my blog because they were using Google to try and figure out how to gas themselves. When I wanted to kill myself, this was my primary interest, the idea of gassing myself. Most of the time, they came at night.

I hate the holidays. Not like, “Oh, I hate the holidays,” and then I go do it anyway. I mean it like, I do not do it. When the girl at the bookstore the day after Thanksgiving asked me, “Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving?” and stuffed my new copy of U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life? into a bag, I said, “I abstained.”

I took this photo on the set of a bukkake movie. If you’re not familiar with the term, it basically means a bunch of guys stand around and masturbate onto a woman. They turned this activity into a type of movie, first in Japan, and then in America. When I heard the word for the first time, it intrigued me. Bukkake is a good metaphor for pretty much everything American. We want it all, all the time. Until we are drowning.

Some of the emails are boring, but some of them are interesting. Occasionally, I post them to my blog, usually without comment, but sometimes with, because I find them amusing, or idiotic, or baffling. When a new one washes up on the digital shores, you marvel at how this missive-in-an-email-bottle arrived upon your sands.