My Sex Life Is Boring And I Don’t Know What To Do

Feb. 9, 2013
Summer Cartigan is a theater major at an expensive liberal arts college. Please don't ask what ethnicity she is. You ...

It’s so annoying when guys tell me that girls don’t like or need sex as much as they do. You know what? I love sex and don’t you dare call me the S word. I’ve been seeing this guy for about two years now and the sex has gotten so boring. At first it was really great, like it always is at the very beginning of new relationships. We did it everywhere, almost all the time. I’ve fondled him on long drives, and it used to be a thing we did to see how many different places we could have sex. We always tried to add to the number of places we boned, and it was this fun, bonding thing we did together.

But now? I’m so bored. Not bored enough to cheat, because I don’t really believe in that unless we were in a mutually open relationship. But still, I’m at this place where I don’t really know what to do to spice things up, and sometimes I don’t even want to have sex with him. When we do it it feels sort of rote and expected. You know? At first we were imaginative and discovering each other’s bodies. Now, though, it’s just sort of lackluster. We almost always do it at virtually the same time, in the same places, with the same finish.

Is sex supposed to get boring? And if it does, is that okay?

Determined to spice things up I tried to talk to him about it. They say that communication is the best policy in the bedroom, so I told him straight up that I wanted us to be more imaginative. I didn’t want to say that I was “bored” per se, because I didn’t want him to cry. I was just trying to communicate, not hurt his feelings. I told him we could role play or try different positions or whatever else we could think of together. And he freaked out — totally lost it. I knew he would. I’ve dated my fair share of guys, and this is the first time a guy got weird when I told him I wanted to have sex more and better sex with him.

“Summer you’re my girlfriend, not my whore. I love you and respect you too much to treat you like one,” he told me.

Wait, what? Aren’t you the same guy who once begged me to let you cum on my face, a move I’m sure you learned from all those porns I know you watch? The same guy who used to text me D pics saying, “Can’t wait to see you later.” Now I was the one who was offended. How am I a whore because I want to have amazing sex with my boyfriend of two years? It was almost like he was trying to make me feel guilty because I wanted sex, even though I know he’s getting off because I keep finding the socks.

Why are we so busy fucking each other’s brains out at the beginning of the relationship only to watch the sex disappear into thin air as we date longer?

I was reading a Dan Savage sex advice column where he said that when you get into a relationship with someone, that person enters a promise to be your personal whore, to keep you milked and satisfied until death do you part. I don’t know that that’s always true because we all have different sex drives, and there are some people who don’t even like sex that much. There’s more to a solid relationship than just good sex. There’s love, bonding, communication, laughter, bad times and good times. But good sex isn’t something that we should have to throw out of the window. And it’s certainly not something I want to feel guilty about for wanting from my boyfriend. TC mark

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