29 Ways That Your 20s Fall Apart
By Steven Blum
1.
You take a job to pay the bills and forget to do the things that once made you feel alive.
2.
You start drinking or smoking all the time or become addicted to a freemium game on your iPhone.
3.
You lose all your money on said freemium game and become destitute.
4.
You give up on trying to make new friends because you’re too afraid of rejection.
5.
You find yourself at home in the middle of the day watching a knife infomercial and you don’t think to yourself, “I’ve got to put some jeans on and go be a person!”
6.
You don’t let yourself watch a little Judge Judy now and then.
7.
You constantly think about the three most successful people you know on Facebook and how pathetic your life is in comparison.
8.
You try something new and forget to let yourself fail.
9.
You stop trying to connect with people who aren’t from your racial, economic, or cultural background.
10.
You stop trying to connect with yourself.
11.
You beat yourself up for living with your parents.
12.
You beat yourself up for being new to professional life.
13.
You beat yourself up for not being financially independent.
14.
You beat yourself up for having sent a dumb email two years ago.
15.
You beat yourself up for any reason other than Tweeting misogynist, trolly things at innocent people.
16.
You forget the wonder of nature, of effortlessly hysterical children and dinner parties that magically just materialize.
17.
You don’t let yourself mourn the past.
18.
You don’t let yourself move on.
19.
You’re so stressed out, you won’t stop masturbating on a business flight, no matter how many times the stewardess informs you to stop, forcing said plane to make an emergency landing.
20.
You absorb other people’s stress and don’t realize it’s theirs and that you get to choose what stresses you out.
21.
You forget how many lives one can lead in America and think you have to be stuck in the one you have forever.
22.
You don’t let yourself try out a new identity.
23.
You don’t let yourself cry at the movies.
24.
You don’t let yourself cry anywhere, at any time, because you don’t want to be mistaken for Kim Kardashian.
25.
You let the haters win.
26.
You forget that you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette, and that egg substitute has no flavor (and should thus be banned).
27.
You judge your younger self too harshly.
28.
You think that doing any of these things means you’re abnormal.
29.
You don’t realize that everyone’s twenties suck, and that you’re allowed to feel ALL the feelings.