Thought Catalog
May 17, 2017

I Need You Closer

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Drew Wilson

When you can’t sleep. Your mind is everywhere, but in the same place all at once. You know it isn’t perfect, but there is someone across town you can’t stop thinking of. It’s still dark and you reach for your phone. You put it back down. Pick it back up. You send them a message to see when they wake up. You place the phone back down to abandon for the night, but you see it light up seconds later. They can’t sleep either. You ask to come over. They say ok.

It didn’t have to be like this. It crumbled out of nowhere. The last month you’ve been a mess.

You lost your best friend. You forget what sleep is. There are equal parts to blame, but you mostly blame yourself.

Sometimes it’s amazing to think that you can start a year not knowing someone, and by the end of that year they’re gone again, but your life will never be the same. Communication is key. Maybe, anyone could be “The One”, but timing is everything. You’re too hopelessly romantic to believe that. Damn, heartbreak sucks.

You put on a hoodie and leave. The whole street is empty and calm. You can hear the ocean, but you’re about to leave it. Maybe someday soon you can bring her back to it. The darkness is getting softer. On the highway the radio is just babble you’d normally turn off, but it doesn’t matter what’s on now. You can only picture one thing as the sun is starting to peak. You notice things on the street you usually ignore, you’re sharp right now with soft adrenaline. You’re calm, but excited. Dreams are manifesting. Air has music. Love is tangible.

She has been your one thought, every minute of every hour, and this morning she’ll be more than a thought again.

You didn’t appreciate her when you had her, you stupid cliche.

It’d be nice to hear music again, to see color, to smile. She’s always been a melody softly moving through your atmosphere, a song you might get to hear again. Don’t ruin it. Treat her right. You’ve learned. Show her the world and give her yours.

When you get there she’s left the door unlocked for you. Slowly you walk through the house and open her bedroom door. She’s lightly asleep with her back to you, but she wakes up as you get closer to the bed. She opens the covers to let you slide in. She’s letting you into her warmth. You wrap each other close and all you say is, “Hi.”

For the next few hours, this will be the universe, and everything is in it’s right place. You know it will get complicated again later, but for now, it’s not.

It’s not ok for you to just be a distant light out there. I need you so much closer. TC mark

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